Live and Love as become something that is somewhat unpredictable to me. I think that idea that I once had (and often still have) on what love is and why love happens was skewed. I have always been a believer in life is "better with you". Through all the ups and downs and the hard lessons learned in life and love at my age, I have been boxed into the thought of life is better with me. I have always been an independent person. Thinking for myself, doing things my way. Doing what I want and when I want to. My grand illusions of love once showed me how to relay on somebody else in life. How to put the needs of the person that you're with above all of your own. How to compromise yourself in ways that you never really thought possible. Life showed me how to share yourself.
For me, I have always been a little bit spoiled. Having something that is yours, that you just don't share, cause you simply don't want to. But even sharing imported chocolates with a loved one became something that came naturally. I think the sharing of yourself to a selfish person becomes so intense that you don't even realize that what you originally thought was sharing, became giving yourself to the nth degree. After a while - there is nothing left to give or to share.
After an experience such as that in your life it forms a basis of what you expect all other people to do to (and with) you. Sharing and taking and giving becomes something that hangs in the balance all the time and you don't really know how to now all of a sudden play this balancing act. You become reluctant to share, because you are so scared of giving. Once you get anything that is shared with you, you become so greedy to take because you're scared that you might never get again. And so you start living your love on a string. Your heart is hanging on a very thin little piece of string that is swinging in the air and even with the slightest wind it starts to dingle in the wind. Life is already known to be very unpredictable. Love is uncontrollable, and a heart hanging on a thin little string in the wind causes fear.
From a recent experience (that wasn't even remotely close to being classified as love) - something I would call an infatuation, I could clearly see my hesitance at the beginning. It was sort of awe to hear that somebody can have a level of interest in you. A form of sharing, a suggestion of caring. Opening your eyes and know somebody else would wish you a good day. That somebody could be thinking about you during the day. That there could be somebody that could be dreaming about you. Somebody that would wish you sweet dreams for the night. All of that proofed to be slightly overwhelming. So much so that I felt that I had to turn around and run away. Strange, that the second that I started running away, I found myself running towards it even more. And that was perhaps the turning point where I became greedy and started to take and not to share.
Another life lesson in love, showed me to have your heart on a string, dangling in the wind causes you to not have the ability to have balance. Always remember where sharing, giving and taking comes in in love. Make sure that you share and never just give and never just take.
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broke heart,
heart,
infatuation,
live,
Love,
love life,
love vs. infatuation,
string
A while ago I met this new man. I started to laugh again, I had a smile on my face, the entire day. There was just SO many things going on in my life at the time I met him however, I could not be bothered by any of it at all. It was the passing of my Gran. A beyond difficult time in my work. Possibly the worst that has ever hit me. I went on my very first over seas trip, all alone - yet I had this inner smile in me. On the airport, leaving on my way to Singapore - I made a last call to this new gentleman. We had a talk and he said to me.... When you're walking on the beach, make sure that you pick up a pebble for me. My reply was simple... OK.
At that point in time, I didn't give it much, actually, any thought. After a couple of days in Thailand, I found myself walking on the soft soft white sand on one of the islands in Similan. It was the day before my 29th Birthday. I was pretty emotional that day. I remembered this sweet cute guy saying to me that I should pick up a pebble for him. As I was walking on that beach, I looked for pebbles. I tried to find a pebble that seemed to be one of the more perfect ones that I could find. One with something special about it. Something that makes it unique. I picked up 3 - only 3!
Coming back in South Africa, I spoke to him one day and just remembered randomly bout the pebble. I said to him that I forgot to tell him, but I picked up a pebble for him on the beach. His responds was: "Pebble or shell?" Pebble I said - that is what you asked for. And he sounded happy. He asked me if I knew why he said pebble and then told me this story. He said that Penguins 'walk' on the beach and pick up the the most perfect pebbles they can find. The one (usually the male) then offers the pebble to the other. If it is a perfect pebble, then they mate for life. And that was why he asked me to pick up a pebble. Just there and then, it stole a little bit of my heart. For somebody to have that piece of depth associated with them was just something special.
In being true to myself, I had to Google the story and with great pleasure I can share these links:
The story on what happened with this wonderful man and the pebbles I picked up, will follow.
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Commitment,
Love,
Pebble,
Penguin
So today, after all of my smiles and giggles, I have arrived at yet another little broken piece of my heart. I'll tell you more bout this later, but this is a story that my one dear friend shared with me. I could not resist but to share it with you in my sad day!
One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.
Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing.
The people stared -- how can he say his heart is more beautiful, they thought? The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears." "Yes," said the old man, "Yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared. "Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges -- giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"
The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away side by side.
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broke heart,
heart,
Love
What do you remember and what is to forget?
I got a link today where you enter your year of birth and it provides some information on what happened in your hear of birth.
So I open this website and enter my year of birth. It counts down and start speaking about Nobel prices that was won during that year. What the movies are that was extremely popular, the books the songs and so it goes on.
At one stage it speaks about, can you remember the song that was a hit. Do you still remember the songs playing on the radio when you were 15? Were you in love? Who were you i
n love with, do you remember?
That made me think back to me being 15 and my great love and in love and out of love phases I went through. Things were so complicated or so I thought.
From being 15 to almost being 30 such a great deal has changed. I've fell in love, I've been in lust, I've been happy and sad so many times it's hard to remember how many times that happened.
In the book Eat Pray Love (Chapter 48) Elizabeth speaks about how much she is missing David & how much she loves David.... Richard then says: "...People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most impo
rtant person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave..."
I think that once in my life I met my soul mate. What an amazing experience. It was the strangest relationship (if it could be called that) I've ever been in. It was all wrong and all perfect at the same time. I think I must have been a person with the most maintenance ever! But his way with me, unexplainable! Control me in a gentle fashion. Put me in my place without using force. Make me smile for an entire day and nothing can upset me that day. Upset me and rock my world round like I've never been upset before. However, every time I got upset or sad it was just overshadowed by the smiles and laughs.
Since the time in that strange relationship - a great deal of events took place, which is out of the scope of this discussion. Reading up on this website where it asks you can you remember back to the age of 15 it made me think of how I have not been able to stop smiling the whole day. Is it cause of my soul mate (as referenced above)?
How do you remember that 'happy place' and all of the smiles and you forget about the complexities of today's life and try and be 15 again?
Can you remember what it felt like?
Perhaps, it is time that you stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be?
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Life,
Love,
Remember,
Young
