One think that I have always known but have never had the guts to admit was highlighted by a friend last night. She said - Nini, you do everything you do - in extremes. And, yes - I do. I have complained & searched for the ability to have balance in my life. More than once before. I am (or have thus far) not been able to achieve a level of healthy balance. Saying healthy balance is a contradiction in itself once again.
Right now - any form of balance will be healthy. Last night, I had to admit that I have the inability to do anything in life if I do not do it to an extreme. I know no other way. I cannot love somebody - if I don't love them with every single part of who I am. I cannot do my work if I don't do it with every single thing that I have and offer every single part of me to be able to succeed. I cannot maintain a friendship if I don't dedicate every part of who I am and what I can offer to a friendship.
I am the person in a relationship that will text you in the morning, wishing you a good day. Text at night - asking how your day went. I'm the friend that will check up on you when you have a broken heart & fill your glass with wine as many times as you need. The one that will make chicken soup and buy packets & packets of meds to help when you're sick. Get you pretty flowers for your desk when you start a new job & spot the lost soul and take them with on holiday cause I can see their heart is hurting & they need a change of scenery & crowd.
That's the things I do and it makes me happy to do these things. But to allow somebody to do the same for me is once again one of those impossible tasks. My 'believe' that nobody else can do something as good as I can. Nobody can help me the way that I can help myself. I set unreasonable expectations & goals to myself, as that is the only way that I can push my own boundaries. The way that I can 'control' the situation & ensure a high level of standard.
Isn't it strange how hard one can be on oneself? How you can cause self inflicted pain your your own strict unreasonable standards. I has a giggle by myself thinking that I'm going to be that old lady in the old age how that will insist on doing things herself and then go racing down the cliff in her wheelchair. (At least a smile there)
So starting off with being an extremist & managing the art of balance remains such a difficult expectation. But, a balance in life is required to achieve happiness.
So in the words of my dear friend - just let it be & enjoy not running after your own tail.
Isn't it strange how hard one can be on oneself? How you can cause self inflicted pain your your own strict unreasonable standards. I has a giggle by myself thinking that I'm going to be that old lady in the old age how that will insist on doing things herself and then go racing down the cliff in her wheelchair. (At least a smile there)
So starting off with being an extremist & managing the art of balance remains such a difficult expectation. But, a balance in life is required to achieve happiness.
So in the words of my dear friend - just let it be & enjoy not running after your own tail.
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