A Bit of Drama & Beyond

How contradicting is it to say extreme balance - as balance is the one thing that cannot be extreme.  If you attempt to find balance by means of extreme measures, it will be impossible to find that balance.  I've been amazed by the events & shocks that seem to continually travel my way.  Events that involve babies being born, hearts being broken, jobs being lost, financial constraints, smiles, laughs, laughter, tears, hope (lots and lots of hope), adventures, challenges, more tears and a sense of fear.  All of these are insane contradictions on a day to day basis.  


One think that I have always known but have never had the guts to admit was highlighted by a friend last night.  She said - Nini, you do everything you do - in extremes.  And, yes - I do.  I have complained & searched for the ability to have balance in my life. More than once before.  I am (or have thus far) not been able to achieve a level of healthy balance.  Saying healthy balance is a contradiction in itself once again. 

Right now - any form of balance will be healthy.  Last night, I had to admit that I have the inability to do anything in life if I do not do it to an extreme.  I know no other way.  I cannot love somebody - if I don't love them with every single part of who I am.  I cannot do my work if I don't do it with every single thing that I have and offer every single part of me to be able to succeed.  I cannot maintain a friendship if I don't dedicate every part of who I am and what I can offer to a friendship.

I am the person in a relationship that will text you in the morning, wishing you a good day.  Text at night - asking how your day went.  I'm the friend that will check up on you when you have a broken heart & fill your glass with wine as many times as you need.  The one that will make chicken soup and buy packets & packets of meds to help when you're sick.  Get you pretty flowers for your desk when you start a new job & spot the lost soul and take them with on holiday cause I can see their heart is hurting & they need a change of scenery & crowd. 

That's the things I do and it makes me happy to do these things.  But to allow somebody to do the same for me is once again one of those impossible tasks.  My 'believe' that nobody else can do something as good as I can.  Nobody can help me the way that I can help myself.  I set unreasonable expectations & goals to myself, as that is the only way that I can push my own boundaries.  The way that I can 'control' the situation & ensure a high level of standard.


Isn't it strange how hard one can be on oneself?  How you can cause self inflicted pain your your own strict unreasonable standards.  I has a giggle by myself thinking that I'm going to be that old lady in the old age how that will insist on doing things herself and then go racing down the cliff in her wheelchair. (At least a smile there)


So starting off with being an extremist & managing the art of balance remains such a difficult expectation.  But, a balance in life is required to achieve happiness.


So in the words of my dear friend - just let it be & enjoy not running after your own tail.

Posted in balance, extreme, Life, success

I never in my life thought I'll do it.  Never did I think that I will get a tattoo.  Lately the thought's been playing round in my head & I decided that seeing that one only has one life, why not.....

In between the time of me changing jobs and moving forward with my life I visited a recommended tattoo shop.  I walked in there with a couple of pictures that I googled of little swallows and had the artist draw them first.  Being myself I was full of sh*t as it had to be 'perfect' and fine.  After a couple of tweaks to the picture - I had a cigarette & geared myself up for this permanent engraving on my back.  

A little bit up - a little bit down.... And so, the positioning was where I wanted it.  I sat down on the chair with my head bowed forward & the sound of the tattoo 'machine' started.  I must admit - it was without a doubt not painless, however not even close to as painful as I thought it to be.  30 min later and I had my three little birdies on my back.

There's no specific reason why I chose swallows, but the fact that they're pretty.  Then one night I had a conversation with a friend & we were talking about children & their imaginary friends.  I told her about my imaginary friend I had.... I little blue bird.  I walked around with the little blue bird on my hand all the time.  I remember when my parents weren't home, my little blue bird & I could fly.  I don't recall if the bird had a name, but when I close my eyes I can still see that bird in vivid detail!  Perhaps it is that little bird that stayed in my imagination many years later and ended up represented on my back. 

Posted in tattoo swallows